++ scattered thoughts and random nostalgia ++

So Japanese class Level 2 started today on a less auspicious note. Firstly was late by 10 mins cos manager was in the office talking to both MD and me. Then the weekend was so busy that I didn't really get to revise what we did in Level 1....oh who am I kidding, I just didn't revise enough between the end of Level 1 and the beginning of Level 2.

However it's confirmed after this class now that the expectations have been upped. Firstly, hiragana is expected to be memorized by class #3 (although I seem to be the only one who doesn't know it by heart yet), and the teacher speaks more in Japanese than in English. In fact his English vocab is not as strong as my Level 1 teacher's.

Class is slightly bigger than Level 1 and comprised of the following (nameless not by choice but because I really didn't catch their names):

1) Guy in hawaiian shirt - visited Nara and Osaka before, working Chinese-English translator (he says Chinese is easy and he's white -- puts me to shame!!), brought an electronic dictionary to class, by far seems to be the strongest pupil

2) Guy with blond spiked hair - has Japanese gf as the reason for taking classes

3)  Older guy with glasses - taking class out of interest

4) Younger guy with glasses - student at Ryerson taking extra classes with aim of working in Japan

5) Aly - classmate from Level 1 who has colleagues in Tsukuba and travels there for collaborative research, hence needing to know Japanese (phew, finally another female and a friend!)

I managed to muddle my way through, even though the last 1/2 hr was particularly gruelling.... just reading out loud and individually from a sheet of sentences written purely in hiragana...help!! I had to give in and admit to the teacher that I couldn't do it and "Could I please skip this exercise?" Embarrassing....but I guess that teaches me a lesson. To think that it was going to be homework for next week till I told him that he actually had 1/2 hr more of class (he thought it ended at 8pm). In hindsight I think that 1/2 hr could've been non-existent and still I would be at the same place as I am now....but perhaps not as embarrassed. :(

Sooooo....Apr 4th morn, started out early to the airport via the Airport Express. Could check in even at the train station itself. Don't know if KL Sentral is the same, but I'm impressed with the efficiency. Line was long-ish but Cathay is so efficient. I think I'm going to be sticking with them for a while yet.

Arrived Seoul after lunch and after Sands rented a cellphone (South Korea uses CDMA technology and both our phones were GSM AND non-3G). It costed her USD3 per day plus all outgoing calls. I have to admit it was reasonable but I could live without it. Still, if she wants one... Then took the Airport Bus (The Airport Bus is a regular bus service that stops at certain major locations within Seoul) to Anguk where our guesthouse was situated. The proprietor of Anguk Guesthouse, Mr Kim, was there to meet us.

Thought we would pay more to stay here as it was billed by Lonely Planet as a "traditional Korean-style" place. It's all made of pine (?) wood, the walls are papered to keep the heat in, there is the famed underfloor heating (more abt that later) and there is a stone-paved courtyard in the middle...so that part's "traditional" traditional I guess i.e. postcard friendly. Otherwise, it was more like traditional in the 1950's style...the interior esp really reminded me of grandma's house. However, we had an attached bathroom (a surprise cos when I called, he said we didn't -- blame it on the language dancearound) and our own computer with Internet connection! And the location was pretty central -- only abt 10 mins walk to the Anguk subway station. Taking the subway turned out to be pretty cheap too -- it costed abt 1000 won each time, which is roughly USD1.

The flight to Seoul took roughly 3 hrs and the bus ride from Incheon airport to Anguk another 1.5-ish hrs, so it was approaching evening by the time we had deposited our luggage. Insa-dong, an area known for antiques and picture-worthy traditional restaurants was abt a block away only. So headed there and browsed the shops, which sold mostly jade, ceramics, souvenirs. I'd anticipated needing to ask "How much?" and to bargain i.e. call something expensive, so had memorized the phrases "Eol-ma ye yo?" and "Bissai-yo!" respectively. BUT overlooked learning the counting system! In the end, resorted to speaking just in English, albeit slowly. Felt kinda guilty that we looked Korean, cos all the shop attendants greeted us and unlike Japan, tried to make conversation with us...and we didn't know what else to do except smile and look away. After a while, it started to feel like we were being rude, so took to saying "Not Korean" every time, with the sheepiest smile we could give.

Then it was time for dinner. Flipped through the LP guide and thought we'd try the traditional Korean banquet, which consists of abt 15 dishes. Picked the place that had a rating (as opposed to just a listing), and closest to where we were....but had a mighty surprise when we got there. Firstly, the main hall was the kitchen, which looked like it was part of a home. But there was a sign outside that clearly had the restaurant's name!! Still, we stayed our ground as the first person who greeted us (a grandmotherly sort) went to get someone who could presumably speak something other than Korean (after we indicated we clearly didn't know the language). Somehow or other we muddled through and she led us to a room....that looked like a living room -- with a TV, a coat rack (with someone's clothes on it) and even the usual sort of knick-knacks you would typically find in a home e.g. school medals, little dolls etc. We were seated on the floor at a low table. Then as it dawned upon us that they had no menu, we also realized that our hostess spoke barely any English.

Thus our second Korean adventuring nugget -- the first time I used my Japanese language lessons was at a Korean restaurant! Sands thought it extremely amusing that neither the hostess nor us were Japanese and we were most def NOT in Japan or any Japanese-y area...but had to resort to the language. I'd heard from my mom abt an acquaintance of hers who, speaking only Hokkien and English, could not speak to a Chinese hawker who only knew Cantonese and Mandarin...and having to speak Bahasa Malaysia instead. But in that situation, they were in Malaysia at the very least. And if you're wondering what the first nugget was: we had just exited the guesthouse and heading down a small road towards Insa-dong. Feeling heady abt being in Seoul, I wanted to take a pic of us both...so I stopped a young woman in her twenties, and asked her very slowly (with hand movements) if she could take a pic for us. It's true that I DID ask her in English, but I don't think Sands and I were prepared for the response. She looked at me, shook her head wordlessly and then promptly turned around and ran away! And I mean literally RAN.

Anyway, dinner was really banquet-ish: so much food we couldn't finish it all! Altho Sands said that maybe it was cos she was too busy drinking the lemon-sliced flavoured soju that she wasn't eating her share. :P Also if we were allowed to sit longer, we might've slowly finished the food...but at 9.30pm, we were told that the restaurant was closed with the implication that we should leave as soon as possible. Now...we could've possibly finished earlier if we didn't keep getting interrupted! For some reason, I guess the idea of two Korean-looking girls who spoke English was cause for wonder. Every 10 mins, the hostess would come in, and ask us how we were doing. If it wasn't that, then it would be the hostess AND some other guest (!!) who wanted to look (and speak English??) to us. All the conversations with them went roughly like this:

Us: Yes?
Them: Hello. (smile smile)
Us: Hi. (uncertainly smiling back)
Them: We can speak English.
Us: Oh ok.
Them: You're both very pretty (!!) (altho a nice ego stroke, since this was out of nowhere, we thought that maybe they had nothing else they felt comfortable saying in English)
Us: Thank you.

Them: Nice meeting you.
Us: Ok, bye, thank you. (for lack of words)

Nevertheless they were polite and courteous so we didn't feel like we were in any trouble. And it really wasn't cheap -- the Korean shop attendant in Insa-dong whom we talked to wasn't kidding when she said that it was a 4-5 star type of establishment. Sands and I figured that we probably just got put into the "unusual" room cos they'd run out of regular rooms -- I passed by one of the other rooms and while sparse, they definitely looked like guestrooms i.e. with effort made to display paintings and sculptures.

We walked back in the cold air (yes, Seoul is AS COLD AS Toronto) but feeling all warm and fuzzy from the soju.I couldn't help thinking to myself: with the narrow alleyways lined with wood-built houses and the walk home from dinner (and drink), this is probably what a Japanese salaryman walking home from a night out feels like -- but with much less alchohol in my bloodstream.

The good thing about flying Cathay is that the connection is in HK, which is pretty centrally located. Almost a year has passed since my last trip back home to Msia, and since I would be stopping in HK anyway, I was considering making a trip from HK to Tokyo since Vic had been posted there till the end of this year. Nothing like Tokyo from an everyday perspective right? However I was planning to utilize my Asiamiles points, and also to take advantage of the Easter holiday weekend -- which is also a holiday in HK. So all of HK wants to fly to Tokyo too -- so much so that the Asiamiles desk even closed the waiting list.

Nevertheless, a backup plan. I'd called Sands since she's now based in HK and she would have hols too, and she'd suggested Seoul, South Korea or Hanoi, Vietnam. It took some back-and-forth-ness, and dithering on both our parts but we finally decided on Seoul. Or maybe it was me, cos there was no way I could pass up a chance to possibly see the spring cherry blossoms, esp since I was going to be in the region at about the right time too.

So, set out from Toronto on the night of Apr 1, arriving HK on Apr 3. Following Sands' instructions, took the Airport Express (it has only 4 stops??) to HK Island. Sands picked me up from there and with her much-improved Cantonese skills, we hailed a cab to her apt on Ladder St in Central.

Spent the day exploring Central and HK Island while Sands went to work. One thing I have to say abt HK -- lots and lots of stairs! Started out with Ladder St and detoured to Cat St which had a lot of antiques for sale. Passed the Man Mo temple on the way to having beef noodles at a well-known stall on Gough St off Hollywood Rd. It was a relatively short wait as I'd narrowly missed the lunchtime crowd and I was just one person -- so I was sat at the nearest vacant seat, sharing the table with a trio of salarymen and two other individual diners.

From there, walked downhill towards the harbour through the Sheung Wan area before ending up at Western Market -- a grand colonial building that nonetheless wasn't very interesting looking inside. Still, stopped for a bowl of black sesame seed soup with tong yuen (glutinous balls filled with ground nuts) before heading back up to where I started via the Central-Mid-Levels escalator -- also the "World's Longest Escalator" as certified by the Guiness Book of Records. As with most records these days... it was actually a series of escalators -- and one of them (which I suspect might've been at the steepest point) was actually not working! Then I had to climb up the superlong flight of stairs on Ladder St that I had earlier walked down. -_- Later on I realized that I had gotten off one escalator too early -- but it was too late by then. Still it was rather interesting to see the restaurants and bars of SoHo (yes, it's really called that) as I was going up.

When Sands got back from work, headed out for dinner -- started out at Lan Kwai Fong where all expat nightlife seemed to be, but then couldn't find anything to our liking. So went to a small but classy restaurant (which I can't remember the name of) on Caine St close to where Sands lived. Dinner was pretty good -- it was a yummy "filet of beef" (Sands got the fish) and we followed that with creme brulee for me and molten chocolate cake for her. Briefed each other on the latest news, continuing till we got back to her place and she packed and we called it a night -- the flight to Seoul would depart the next morn at 9.40am.

The weekend after getting back from Miami, it was a celebration of SS, NM's and Sus' birthdays. They weren't all born on the same day or anything but still, all March babies. So someone had the bright idea of celebrating that by going out for dinner and to a club/lounge afterwards. There was a tense moment just before we all left the office on Friday when we realized that we didn't even have a card for them -- the organizer (if there was one -- I'm seriously suspecting a Stand Alone Complex here) didn't think of it. So down I rushed to Carlton Cards and picked a couple up and quickly circulated them..so quickly that one of the newbies actually signed it wrongly. -_- Thankfully, we managed to black out the mistake.

That aside, headed to Jack Astor's but it was packed with the after-5 crowd so switched to Joe Badali's...which was actually not bad. In fact, a little more sit-down than Jack's, which suited the occasion just fine. From there, went to Schmooze...2nd time around and on a Fri night, it still didn't get better. I'm not going there again if I were organizing...

Saturday, went over to JCh's to touch base after what seems forever. NML was cooking dinner and it was the first time we were going to taste something other than her delicious desserts. On the menu: grilled shrimp on saffron couscous, greek salad, beef stew with biscuit, panna cotta with raspberry coulis and the fifth (!) course -- muffins iced with choco-hazelnut spread. ;) We're getting better at portion control -- not too full but satisfied. Watched 'Blood Diamond' after.

Sunday went out with the Waterloo gang: Jits, MarcL, Xian, Nic, Nat, Bong, bro and me. Went to Zucca Trattoria -- 2nd time around and they'd pared down the menu. We decided to go with the prix fixe menu, starting with a garden salad. The duck ragu was not as good as I remembered it, but the dessert was rather nice to look at -- cake dosed with grappa and set afire.

5 days later on the Fri, Young P's farewell party. Had originally wanted to skip dinner in lieu of JCh's birthday dinner and join them for after only, but got an earful from Young P. To paraphrase, "If you're not dating this guy, then you have no excuse." Well...

In any case, a good dinner at Milestones cos FI, a new manager I worked with in 2006 had decided to give up the stress of his position for family reasons. In addition, KS was leaving to Paris and I was going to miss HER farewell since I would've been on vacation by then. So....it all worked out well since I got to say goodbye to 3 ppl (FI and KS wouldn't have wanted to go to after-dinner celebrations).

So from there, ended up at Easy again. What can we say....cheap drinks, decent music and an ok crowd (altho admittedly not so good that particular night). The funny thing was that NML had been keen on "going out partying" with me, so this was the only weekend that worked...so no pulling out of this part of the night either. Also decided to call Ines since it had been forever since we met up. So again, killing 3 birds with one stone. And clubs are more fun with more ppl anyway. I think Young P had a good time ... altho he bought me more drinks than I did for him. -_- Still...many "Porn Star" shots and bear hugs later, I can't deny I'm going to miss the guy.

Sat started off with dinner at Edo with MelT, Mirchan and JCh -- for his birthday. Wanted to get the omakase ("leave it to the chef") but turned out that JCh (who made the booking) didn't know that he had to specify it in advance. The regular menu was only ok -- decent but a little pricey for the smallish quantity and regular quality. After that, karaoke at BMB Karaoke in Koreatown! I'd already lost my voice from trying too hard to talk in the club the night before, and was planning on just lip-synching....but of course the atmosphere was just too much fun to stick to the rules.

Someone had the great idea of making T-shirts with the Dong Cheim inside joke on them, and altho I didn't want one, DLee ordered one anyway -- essentially I'd been bullied into it. -_- Still, it was a fun night with the singing of torch songs, corresponding dance moves, shaking of tambourines, throwing of fruit at each other (well really, just between Harold and JCh), attempts to dong chim and/or squash each oher (among the guys) and of course, alchohol. Thankfully DLee was pretty gone...I managed to get away with less than 5 sips of the stuff. Not good for throats after all. Also pitched in for the food processor we ended up getting him.

Sunday afternoon, met up with GP for brunch (hadn't seen nor talked to him for ages) and tried brunch at Meggie's. It was better than I expected (the food blogs made it out to be some sort of greasy spoon). It's true that the food is not very diet friendly but the atmosphere was awesome -- it had a great cottage-y feel to it and I thought immediately of Winhill. Later stopped by the doc to pick up meds for an eye infection that I thought was just starting up. Also asked him to look at the cough I'd started to develop...but he said that there was nothing congesting my chest and I didn't need anything.

He was wrong on the latter. My weakened state incl loss of voice, combined with airplane air I had to breathe for 18 hours plus, all culminated in a cough that started in the plane, got worse in HK and slowly recovered from in Seoul, South Korea.

But more abt that leg of my vacation later.

Recently went for the annual training session held by my firm. This was the third time around and surprise, surprise, the first time we got to go somewhere other than Cleveland. Which is good cos I was getting sick of the Sushi Rock and Spy Bar ritual anyway. We were debating between NYC and Atlanta and altho I hadn't been to the latter before, discussion brought us to the consensus that since we'd be spending most of the day in class anyway, we wouldn't be able to see many of the sights in Atlanta. And NYC definitely had better nightlife.

NYC it was then! Flew out on the Friday, Mar 12 with not just my batch of hires, but the ones a level below us as well. I think the entire group numbered around 20...and that was just from the Toronto office. Lodged at a serviced apartment that night before moving to the hotel in Times Square on Sunday...reason being that Times Square is where the training was going to be held.

Was glad that I'd done NYC sightseeing with Sandy and friend Reina in 2004, because this time around, the group was all about the parties and the NYC atmosphere. Friday night, dinner at the Italian restaurant neighbouring our apartment in the mid-town Lexington area, followed by a jaunt to the AER Club in the Warehouse district. Saturday, Japanese dinner, also close to the apartment before the Warehouse district again to the Club Duvet. This club was probably cloned after Bed (made famous by Sex and the City) and was pretty nice...only that it played house music for a good couple hours after we got there. Now, anyone worth their salt knows that in North America...its all about the hip-hop. No one would dance to the music till Jenn S walked up to the DJ and bluntly asked, "When are you going to play hip hop?" He agreed to, and in 2 mins the floor started filling up. Jenn's gutsy that way.

Sunday was a trip to Woodbury Premium Outlets, by far the best outlet mall I've been to. Trust MD to know about this one -- aside from the standards like GAP, Nike and Guess, it also had Versace, Camper, Prada, Kenneth Cole, Burberry (where MD blew her budget on an spring trenchcoat). Me? Just two pairs of sunglasses (one of them free), a Banana Republic tote bag, and an Esprit sweater. Later that night, dinner at Olive Garden and we called it an early night to prepare for the first day of training on Monday.

I thought that the training itself was pretty informative. Most of it consisted of Q&A and I got to hear what ppl from other regions do when it comes to managing teams/engagements. For breaks, we played 'Top 10' where each team brainstormed answers. Prizes were cheap but it was the non-cheesiest game I've played at a training session so far. I guess we're all growing up after all.

Mon night was a trip to see David Letterman live! I have much respect for AS post-trip...he really organized almost everything for us. The guest during our taping was Richard Gere who talked about his new movie and his new slow-food restaurant, and some guy who organizes the Discover Club's annual Exotic Food event. I would've preferred Jay Leno, but there was SOME amusement in watching David Letterman attempt to eat alligator meat and cow eyeballs. Got back to the hotel in time to have dinner on the firm. I had the seabass which I found a little overdone, but ppl who had the filet mignon pronounced it divine. The pre-dinner platter of raw oysters and shellfish, the yummy salad and the a dessert of rich and smooth creme brulee made up for the dissapointing main dish. Did I mention oysters already? :P

Post-dinner, went over to the drinking party at AS's room but called it an early night. Some went down to the hotel bar/lounge, and from the next morn's account of it, had a roaring good time, staying till the bar had almost emptied out. As an aside, my whole idea of what NY cheesecake is has been re-defined thanks to Lindy's just a block east of the Ed Sullivan Theater where the taping was held. Mmm cheesy yumminess.

Tue night was the last night of being at training, and keeping with tradition, we had to go all out. First was dinner at Dallas USA, a greasy spoon place I wouldn't have gone to if it weren't for Max and SK wanting to meet up with previous training session-mates who were based in NY. Still it was a good time cos MD, AD and I go to know the Vancouver ppl a bit better. Then we were sposed to go to a club called Marquee but decided it was too expensive -- ended up at Home instead just around the block which was really just fine too. It was really funny watching Young P and AS do the "lightbulb-screwing" (in Young P's words) dance move but poor NM and MD reached their party limit that night.

Wed we packed up and had a quick dinner at a Parisian bistro close to our hotel, then MD, NM, AD and I were on the plane to Miami! This leg of the trip was purely for leisure -- we figured that since we were in the US anyway, might as well take the rest of the week off for a respite from the chilly weather. Arrived at the serviced apt around midnight -- it was huge and we could've easily fit in another 6 ppl if we wanted to! However the price was still cheaper compared to the hotels in the South Beach area, which was where we were going to spend most of our time.

From Thu to Sun, visited the beach (just once, cos AD lost her less-than-48-hour-old sunglasses and that turned us off the sea) walked and shopped Lincoln Road Mall (a pedestrian mall) and the Art Deco district  and caught a movie ("I Think I Love my Wife") in between just relaxing and enjoying the sun. NY had been hit by a snowstorm Thu evening and I can't deny we felt lucky/smug that we'd escaped it by leaving earlier than the others (the juniors had class till Thu and had planned to take off on Fri).

This year, decided to go big and celebrate as excessively as I can. As far back as I can remember, CNY = eat + gamble + angpau/laisee (red packets) + new clothes + TV.

My DVD player blew a fuse, my TV had no S-video outlet to connect to a laptop and the video-jack method was of mediocre quality, so watching loads of CNY-themed TV (i.e. Chinese kungfu/mahjong/comedies) was out.

The new clothes tradition had been dropped by my family at least 10 years ago. Way too much fun to buy and wear new clothes throughout the year instead of only during CNY! I did however manage to buy 3 new plates (meant to signify more food hence prosperity), altho after the first day of CNY had already passed. Hope it still counts...

The red packets only work if I have married couples around me. Being away from the extended family and also parent's friends meant only one angpau this year -- from Aunt J. Still, it was thoughtful of her! I spose its partly a good sign too that my friends are not married...yet.

Gambling is really not a celebration unless you win. In a nutshell, I don't. Nuff said.

So, the only thing I can really do to celebrate CNY is to...eat. 15 days of it!

On CNY eve aka Reunion day, traditionally, everyone gathers at their hometown or a family member's house to have dinner together. On Feb 17, did that twice but in diff manners and settings: lunch at Restoran Malaysia with Jits + friend Jason, Poi, Ed. The place had been renovated -- gone was the barebones look and in its place, a romantic setting with dark wood furnishings and low lighting. However, the same reasonable pricing remained. Ordered rojak, hokkien mee, mee hailam, beef rendang, roti canai, teh tarik, char kuey teow. Mostly authentic except for two dishes. Beef rendang was nicely presented but on the less-authentic side, while mee hailam was flavourful but paled in terms of authenticity when compared to the hokkien mee. However as a whole, yummy. Poi and I agreed that the freshly made roti canai takes the cake! For dinner, DLee had kindly invited me to his 'small' family reunion -- which turned out to be larger than anticipated! Much food was to be had, of course, with dessert by NML.

On CNY day itself, called home and had the whole pass-the-phone experience...it was good to hear everyone so happy though. Dad seems to have taken over the role of 'fun adult' cos he was going to take LLL and her bro out to get ice-cream. Ah, to be a kid again -- LLL's dad used to take bro and I out to get KFC and whatnot. Later at night, dinner at Bombay Bhel at Yonge-Sheppard with MarcL, Poi, Jits, Nat, Nic, Xian, Mishy and bro. They forgot our order...and had us waiting for an hour before the food finally arrived. It was only ok....so I don't think I'm going back again.

A week later on Feb 24, received a call from Aunt J who offered me a  free ticket to the Malaysian Association of Canada's annual CNY dinner gala. Having never been, I said yes. NML and JCh were there, and MelT was hosting. It was a ten course meal at Diamond Banquet Hall at Hwy 7 and Woodbine...unusually for a Chinese dinner, we were not too too full. In addition to food, there were prizes drawn, and also entertainment in the form of numerous Mongolian dances by a particular Mandy Xiao, and a couple more by a Chinese female dance troup. Also, a couple of songs by a Filipino singer (forgot her name) and MelT's co-host Michelle (a former HK TV anchor). The Filipino singer (who btw, was really good) then performed a couple more duets with Fa.

At the door, they had someone dress up as the God of Fortune (Choy San) and give out angpau with chocolate coins. They even had a Lion Dance with the accompanying drums and 'choy'/lettuce finale to kick the whole event off, but somehow it feels muted when performed indoors. :o| Still, can't fight the weather, can we? MelT was right when she said the event was for the older crowd to enjoy themselves though -- 'aunts' and 'uncles' periodically got up to dance to the songs, and at the end of the evening, all of them got on the dance floor. I'm glad to see ppl happy, but I'd hold off on actually joining them. :P

The next day was Sunday, and I showed up early at DLee's place to help get ready for the open house. NML looked at me like I was crazy to offer myself for what essentially boils down to manual labour. Well... perhaps she's done it too often to appreciate it, but my CNY's have always been about helping get the house ready for guests, and then serving them when they arrive. So I had my own reasons for wanting to help out -- to somewhat get closer to what I'm used to doing back home. It was definitely work though, esp with all that standing (the back of my knees ached by the end of it) -- perhaps NML does it too often that it's become tedious.

Took away leftovers that lasted a week...hahahaah.

Thursday, went over to Mirchan's. Alan W + gf Loretta, JCh and DLee were there as well. Menu was grilled pork chops, Hainanese chicken rice, prawns steamed with ginger and soy sauce. All delish. I was not bursting with fullness yet satisfied.

Friday, Mirchan's again for games night. Mirchan + cousin (?) Alicia, JCh, DLee + friends Sam and Aleysia (?), Harold, Kelso, Andy S + gf Carmen, Alan W, NML. Two simultaneous games: poker and Cranium -- I played the latter, teaming up with Mirchan and NML against Harold, Kelso, Alicia and later on, Andy S. Our team won, at the expense of my voice which gave out from trying to outyell Harold. Wine probably didn't help either, altho I only had a little. Midnight snack of spaghetti bolognese ala JCh was yummy though. Followed this with a small bowl of cereal. There's something about eating at an ungodly hour that makes even cereal seem special. :P After the end of Cranium, JCh and Kelso tried to 'dong shim' random ppl but mostly each other. Then they played Jenga for a bit before startng into the 2nd round of poker -- at which point I called it a night.

Reason was because I was meeting Hil and Jas for lunch on Saturday! Along with Nic, Nelson, CH and Ed, we went to Diamond Banquet Hall for dimsum. It's been a while since I'd talked to everyone (plus, Nic and Ed were late!), so we hung around for almost 3 hrs and caught up. On the way back, started into a convo with Hil and Jas that didn't feel finished even when we got to our destination aka Jas' place, so we decided to chat some more while checking out his apt.

Made it back in time to join Mirchan, DLee and JCh for dinner at Korean Village (?) on Bloor West, then watched Breach. Got home around midnight then started cooking -- bro woke up the next day surprised that I did what I said I would i.e. cooked before Sunday morning. :P

Reason being that some foods need to be stewed for a while before they taste good! Sunday was the 15th and last day of CNY celebrations, and I'd decided to put some effort into cooking something festive. MarcL and Xian arrived the earliest followed by Nat then CH, then JBong then finally Kimi. The menu was beef curry with potatoes, steamed chicken with Emperor herbs, stir-fried baby bok choy, mixed tofu with black fungus and glass noodles, sambal-ed fish, stir-fried pumpkin with dried shrimp, stir-fried prawns with ginger, chili, coriander and green onions. Nat made brownies and served them with vanilla ice cream. The prawns and fish were a success, the chicken less so -- MarcL and I thought it was prob cos we left it sitting on the table for 2 hours...and the lack of humidity probably resulted in it being a little too...gamey. And it looked so good when it first came out of the pot too!! :(

Watched Disney movies for a bit and also the tail-end of Bridget Jones' Diary on TV, then Nat, MarcL and I went to The Rex for their 7pm show with Kira Callahan headlining. She was ok...ran through some classics like 'Heaven' and 'Devil May Care' -- somehow altho I know she sang well, it didn't suit her style very much. I preferred the one Jobim song she performed (about loneliness -- didn't catch the name) and the Cole Porter ones ('Easy to Love' and 'It's All Right with Me'). She unfortunately could not or would not do my request ('In the Still of the Night')...citing that she didn't know it well enough to perform it. As I was thinking up another song request, I also noticed that she didn't do anyone else's requests either as far as I can tell...made me decide not to ask again.

Also decided to stay for the second band -- the Kirby Barretto sextet. Very different kind of jazz: funk/acid-ish compared to Kira's old-school style. MarcL thought the drummer was good, and they had a blind bongo-ist (for lack of better description) as well as a double bass player named John Mayer! No, not THAT John Mayer. A young feel to their music, but I'm not knowledgeable enough about this sub-genre of jazz...only able to evaluate based on the overall sound and the technical skills I can imagine myself NOT being able to do e.g. guitarist's fingers flying over the fretboard etc. Heheh.

The next day, fell sick. Boo. Stress from working in audit? Or too much eating and going out? ;)

In any case, New York bound this Friday evening, followed immediately by Miami! Gotta get well in 2 days! *crosses fingers*

It's been 3 days since I seconded to the fin audit dept, and I'm feeling mixed abt it.

On the plus side is the biggest indicator that my managers were right in saying that it would be good for my development to second: the work that fin audit does is pretty different from what I do in IT audit. It's unexplainable but I think I've been working with processes so much that I subconsciously pushed it to the back of my mind. 'It' being the fact that a big part of audit is footing (calculating totals), variance analysis (determining if the changes in totals are reasonable), reconciliations (whether debits and credits balance out to zero), calculation of accruals (whether the correct amount is recognized in the right period) and evaluating the nature of financial statement line items (whether they are classified correctly).....among other accounting fun stuff.

The cause for concern to me is two-fold: firstly, I've never done Advanced Accting nor Auditing courses when I was in uni, and to compound that, uni was 2 years ago, so I'm taking some time to even recall the regular accounting stuff. Contrast that to the two other 'juniors' on the job who are both studying for the UFE and thus are immersed in the subject matter -- and I feel a little inadequate.

On top of that, the client I've been assigned to is a non-financial services one. I've been told that I'm lucky to be assigned to one of the more organized engagements, but still, its a smaller company than most financial services ones. Young P used to say to others that he likes financial services cos there's more flexibility in the budget just cos the job is bigger. Now I see what he means. The team has a strict budget and the partner had expressedly said that no changes were to be made in timeline. While back in my own dept, I've always been sheltered by having the managers 'cover' for me when dealing with budget issues (mostly justified, since quality is the tone and sometimes more work is required to gain comfort), I'm out in uncharted waters here in fin audit. I don't think they discount quality at all, rather, I don't know how they deal with deviations from the norm nor what the standards are.

Last Fri when submitting our timesheets, the senior told one of the intermediates to make sure to charge time to my section as he provided coaching to me. The manager was onsite too and while she is nice, she kinda (half-jokingly?) said that it was all my fault that she didn't have anything to review. This is kind of true, because I was still trying to get my bearings and understand what was done in the previous year (thank goodness it was ONLY two years since I left school and accounting!!!), and the client....welll...the primarily client contact anyway (the Controller), does not seem to like me in comparison with the rest of the team. Is it because I seem so clueless (the truth being that I was never part of the UFE process hence not having the background to draw from -- but he doesn't know that of course...probably he's considering me a UFE failure in the making) or am I just too timid i.e. I should just assert myself to emphasize that I'm the auditor, and he the auditee....

As the outsider, I also have this fear that I'm creating a bad impression of my own dept. It's one thing to be part of fin audit and have the issues I mentioned above, but another to be from outside the dept -- the former is easily forgiven as "she's one of us", while the latter (in the worst case scenario) will be labeled the burden and resented for having to be coached so much. The team is ok in that one senior is reassuring (perhaps cos she can see my subtle distress?); the intermediate and one of the juniors are constantly helpful but who knows what the others think.

At the onset, they gave me a section to do but are they regretting it now? I think I'm new and unjaded enough to want to continue my secondment (perhaps to a diff client?) even after it ends early March (my original 2 months had been shortened to 3 weeks due to lack of needs), but after this, would I be viewed as a liability not worth taking on? AD had mentioned that when she was on secondment, she was assigned to photocopy and basically do gopher stuff. I consider myself lucky: but will it continue? The manager reassured me that I'll definitely learn something useful from this secondment, but I was assigned data entry last night. To be honest, they were apologetic about it, I've seen another junior do admin stuff too (stuffing envelopes and compiling paper files) and I myself don't mind, but is this an indication of things to come? I hope not.

Nothing like starting from the bottom again to to remind oneself how to be humble, and how to ask for help.

I was talking to a friend online a couple days ago and we got to a point where we started taking turns accusing each other of being emo / depressed. Hey, at least I admit to being that way occasionally, right? You know who you are.

Paraphrased from another conversation around the same time: "It's ironic how a person like me who lives in the past so much can remember so little." Mainly in reference to how I'm really bad at remembering events. The most ironic thing is how if I write out my thoughts, I forget even faster....the blog in a way is my Pensieve. But I guess it's better to record it somewhere and have an increased rate of forgetting, than not doing so and forgetting eventually.

But today, a regular post for those who tire of listening to me getting all mopey. ;) Don't think it's all just for you guys though: this blog is also meant for me to keep track of what's been happening in my life lately. :P

So let's see...happenings. Was sposed to have started my secondment to the financial audit team on Monday, but manager asked to keep me for 2 more days, and fin audit manager agreed. Now, the secondment had already been pushed back a week, so we all thought that Wed b(i.e. today) would be the absolute start date. But really, Fate just does what it wants. There was a snowstorm warning for today, and the senior called me last night to give me a heads-up that they might work from home if the weather is too bad. 7.15 am today, she called and confirmed that no one was going out to the client site -- which would make it pointless for me to head out as well, cos I would know nuts.

Which is fine with me because 1) it was blowing snow out there and 2) I had work still outstanding for my previous clients. This extra day meant that I need to put in less overtime to complete the deliverables. Lately it's been rather intense to be honest, and I'm online or on the phone being fielded question after question till dinnertime, but today, a rare respite: it's Valentine's Day! Manager said he had to leave earlier. A coworker had said earlier that he would take a bunch of us date-less girls to dinner just because, but I think that fell through because of the storm. So since Bro has gone to KW to spend reading week with BYHo, and CNY is coming up, I decided to give the apt a more thorough cleaning than usual -- in lieu of the traditional spring cleaning we do as a family back home. I should go buy some new tableware too for tradition's sake -- will try to remember.   

Sunday, skating class as usual. Instructor's got me started on backward sculling (making bubble shapes with both skates), but I'm really not great at it. Plus I still am afraid of falling. Well, more lessons next Fall if schedule permits -- and an indoor rink for sure. Winter in an outdoor rink requires a more will power to show up for class (skipped the week before's cos there was windchill of up to -35C).

Saturday, had a curry laksa get-together with Jits, MarcL, Xian, Bong, Nat and bro. Met up with Xian and MarcL first and checked out the Curry's art store close to Chinatown (MarcL wanted to buy pencils and a kneaded eraser -- which is sposed to be gentler on the drawing medium), then to pick up ingredients for the meal. Back at the apt, we took much less time than last summer when we last cooked the dish...not quite sure why. Maybe cos we've made it before so we had a better idea of measurements (last summer we had pots almost overflowing and utensils everywhere)? Or was it cos we omitted eggplant? The latter is less likely tho a more interesting excuse. :P 

Friday, Hil's bday celebration at Coca Restaurant (a tapas place) on Queen St W along w JCh, Nic, CH and Nel. I have to give Nic and CH props for setting things up -- they even brought a cake w candles! Tummy wasn't in the best condition for the combo of oily food and wine though -- nearly thought I couldn't make it for PCh's bday bash at Easy. Stood outside for a good 10 mins altho there was no line, trying to decide if it was worth paying the cover to go in if I was going to leave early. I did end up feeling better though, so PCh got a big surprise when he showed up and I was there....I'd called him earlier to say I might not be showing up. However, did leave early cos tummy started acting up again, and from the looks of it, missed the best parts of the party. :S No regrets tho -- I needed the rest and Krupo generously offered a ride home. Thanks man!

Monday, Sunday and Saturday before that, eating with JCh, Mirchan and DLee: altogether very bad for weightwatchers. Duck ragu atop gnocchi and proscuitto-wrapped melon slices at Mirchan's apt with Kelso, her friend Alan and gf Loretta, Harold. Nasi lemak at JCh's on Sunday w MelT there as well. Saturday was Caesar salad, panfried monkfish, salmon and scallops followed by a poker game with additional bodies i.e. DLee's classmates Kelso, Andy S and gf Carmen, Corey, Kien.

The Friday just before that, went to Across the Road for Winterlicious w Young P, Krupo and gf HoY and some of his friends, including Andrea and her bro Mark and Veronika. On the menu -- mushroom soup (NOT the creamy kind), lamb shank w couscous and cabbage Also had said to PCh that I'd join the work crowd at Easy and felt really guilty abt skipping out -- esp since NM and Michy had implied they were going to flake. It turned out that the two ladies showed...and since it was pretty rare to see the both of them AND Young P all out at the same place and the same night (Young P hadn't been out in ages and he was hankering to go), Krupo graciously gave us a lift downtown -- thank again man!

As a side note, JCh thinks that I like Easy a lot. It's not that I like it a lot, but the drinks are cheap, the music's not too loud and the crowd is decent, making it relatively more conducive for hanging out and catching up with coworkers. At least on Fridays anyway. 

Moving on: we were really late, like 11pm-ish...so we were subject to the dreaded line. SJ was already in the line, and later PatM and Tom joined Young P and myself. It was freezing! I couldn't feel my toes by the time we got in -- but thankfully the bouncer was really nice and even gave us an ETA for getting in, something along the lines of "As soon as the crowd clears (from the top of the stairs where coats were checked  and cover was collected), you guys can go in."

It was a good night overall -- managed to get to know the new hires somewhat better at the very least, and caught up with the others.

That's abt it for the past two weekends. Now, abt some weekday stuff. ;)

Last Monday, gave my 2nd Toastmaster speech -- I titled it "How to Have a Successful Vacation" and was so nervous abt taking too long that I ended up too short! The target was 5-7 mins and I had a buffer period of 30 secs before and after....but I came up at 4 mins and a few secs. I nearly got disqualified i.e. having to give the speech again...but they gave me some leeway since they didn't really warn me abt it beforehand. After the speech, FY asked if I hadn't enough time to prepare. :S The truth was, yes, I did, but I thought giving an organized speech (the goal of Speech #2) was of higher priority than finishing on time -- if I'd dragged things out impromptu, I reasoned that the speech flow might get all choppy as I try to think of things to say.

Two Mondays before that, my first Toastmaster speech -- the Icebreaker. So, the backstory to this was that I'd been drafting the content since I first joined the club last summer, but hadn't finished organizing, and hadn't come up with a punchy intro nor conclusion. VP Ed had earlier sent me an email asking if I was still interested in the club -- I'd been away for a long time given the KW client -- and I'd told her I would be away till Apr but would drop by if ever I found myself in the office.

So that Monday, I was just thinking to myself that I'd do the latter and put in some facetime, but as soon as I walked into the door, she asked if I wanted to do a speech to fill in for the two scheduled speakers (my club unfortunately has a history of flakes -- ppl having to make last minute business trips or saying they're too busy). I don't know what came over me, but on the spur of the moment I said yes. In hindsight, it was probably her saying "You don't have to prepare -- the objective is just to get out there and speak in front of an audience." :P So, yeah, wrote the content out from memory onto a piece of paper (just to have something to refer to in case the mind went blank) in 10 mins before I went out there and did it! It's true what they say abt getting the ball rolling though -- it took me more than 1/2 a year since joining to give my first speech, but less than 2 weeks to give my 2nd!

Also, company dance group classes have started, reimbursable under the company's fitness plan. The dance is hiphop, and I signed up cos AD, Michy and NM was all enthusiastic, but when I showed up, no one did. Later on, AD said she backed out cos she thought she wouldn't be downtown often enough to make it. Michy and NM were on vacation while sign-up was going on, so they didn't get on the list in time. :S Still, since I signed up, might as well go. The conclusion after 2 classes: I'm really bad at it and I honestly don't dare look at myself at the studio's mirrors while doing the moves, altho I should, to find out if I'm doing anything wrong. Plus, I'm not awesome at remembering the sequence of steps. Lindy is soooo much easier!!!!! However, no objection to the claim that it's a good workout, although my leg muscles hurt after each class due to the 'snapping' movements (or 'popping' as Jeff B, my ex- lindy teacher would've called it). I think I'll have to be careful or end up with thunder thighs. :P And don't ask me to demo any moves! To debunk a popular misconception -- hiphop is best done with flat sneakers.. It's really a dance for the streets, requiring loads of attitude. Clubs are really not the place to dance real hiphop -- how many girls go to a club wearing that kind of footwear anyway?

Japanese classes at U of T's School of Continuing Studies started two weeks ago on Monday. 8 weeks long, 2 hrs per week, emphasizing speaking and for roughly $400, it's not cheap but the classes so far have been good -- the teacher, Noriko Yabuki-Soh, can remain enthusiastic for 2 hrs straight. From a speaking perspective, I think it's easier for me than say, French, but there are trying moments -- when it comes to saying one of the most important phrases (shitsure shimase) which is used for excusing oneself and saying good bye to bosses and so on, the first two syllables really give me trouble, since the 'i' in 'shi' is silent.

An aside: what are the chances of having two ppl with the same name in a class with 5 students? I'm sitting next to a LeAnne, who is also ethnic Chinese. How weird is that? This is one of the few times where ppl have to pronounce the 'Y' in my name to refer to me (teacher's only solution for differentiating the both of us) -- I myself usually underplay it to make things easier. LeAnne, the person, is friendly though -- works at Motorola. We walked to the subway after class together last Monday and she told me abt how she took a German crash course at the Goethe Institute over the summer -- 3 hrs every day for 5 days per week for 1 month...and it still worked out to be cheaper (on a per hour basis) than this Japanese course. Still, she said she liked the teaching style (better for beginners) and I agree.

Ok I think we're up to speed now, excluding reviews -- which will go up on another day. :P

It seems to be that the irony of what gives me happiness is that those very things grow less and less likely to repeat themselves as each day passes. Or even if the situation lends itself to repetition, when and how and my reaction to it is just unpredictable. Wouldn't it be great if whenever the mood dictates a certain feeling or moment I want to relive, the memory or the experience is there at my beck and call?

But perhaps that's what they call human nature. The fact that something is rare or impossible, makes one long for it more, think of it with greater fondness, and crave it with deeper passion.

Young P has signed the papers to transfer to Washington DC Apr 16, to be closer to his gf. Even though I'd known since I'd found out about the potential move that he was likely to be successful, somehow hearing it confirmed... there's the feeling of finality there. We've been coworkers for a little more than a year only, and only really talked in the last 5 months or so while we were on client site together. But we can't ignore that additional angle of emotion, the feeling that something is going to be lost. Maybe me more than him because this is just another example of how ppl enter and change my life, and how I pine after them when they leave, and judging from past experience, how we'll sooner or later settle into a strange kind of friendship based on MSN msgs and blog entries.

At lunch on Thurs at Canoe, coworker and I were talking abt how we started together and now that we've had some time to settle into our jobs and now know what is expected of us, it's given us more time to think of ourselves and what directions in life we want to take. Coworker explained how he grew up in the same city, went to uni with a bunch of friends, then moved to TO with another bunch of friends. Essentially, his point was that he played it safe all the way. Now that he's gotten an idea of what it feels like to be part of the nation's workforce, he's thinking that if there's any good time to break out of the box and try something new, it would be now.

I understand where he's coming from, and a small part of me feels the same way. Perhaps that's why I strive to try different things at work or play all the time, trying to find the groove that suits me best. But on the opposite end, is the feeling of wanting things to stay as they are.... 

I was organizing my music and came across the soundtracks for the few Final Fantasy games I played. Technically I cheated because Bro played it first, then helped me out with the harder parts. The memories of searching the Internet for walkthroughs and guides, and waiting for the slow computer to load the graphics (we played using an emulator then, not a Playstation)! Then I started counting back and realized, this year'll be the 10th anniversary for FF7 and 8th for FF8. These were the only two editions that had PC versions created -- back then, it was for Win 98 / Win ME. Even playing it a few years later on Win XP required a patch or two. A few days ago, Microsoft Vista went on sale. What are the chances that there'll be a patch to make these two games compatible with Vista? Again, the feeling that I'm losing something as time moves forward relentlessly.

It made me think of one of the scenes in the FF8 storyline. Cliche in places it may be, but it does have its moments. For those unfamiliar, the main character, Squall, has frequent dreams where he is another man called Laguna. In this scene that I cannot shake (probably because it even has a theme song, 'Fragments of Memories') from my mind, Laguna wakes up in a guestroom in a small cottage in a sleepy but peaceful village. There is a small girl, Ellone of about 5 years old and a woman, Raine who had taken care of him, and it is clear that they all regard each other warmly. Laguna's old war buddy comes to visit, and they talk abt old times. Then Laguna, a chronic wanderer/restless spirit, suddenly talks about how he hopes he'll still be in the same bed when he wakes up, in the same cottage and in the same village, living with the girl and the woman...and his war buddy makes an observation that he's changed.

Maybe it's human nature to always secretly want what you've been taught to ignore and overcome. Such as moving every 5 years when I was growing up, being told and knowing also that it's a part of life, but still hating every single time I had to readjust my life. Such as going relatively further than most ppl for studies abroad, and then pursuing a job overseas and now starting to build a career -- but in the corner of my mind, wondering how things would've turned out if I'd rejected independence and like my coworker, played it safe by going with the crowd. Would I be happier? 

I want to come home and see Bro playing his computer games, Mom cooking, Sis full of the day's events at school, Dad watching TV. On weekends, to go watch movies or eat with friends. To wake up each day and go where I know ppl welcome me. To be 18 again and spend all my free time texting collegemates, hanging out with the TV on, walking aimlessly in the malls and talking about nothing of importance at all. To be 16 again, spending hours after-school looking at the new books that the library just procured, having lunch with Meru-chan and the others before going to tuition/additional classes, pseudo-arguing on the phone with TMY and opining on the short stories he wrote. To be 13 again, sitting next to Sit and asking for her help with homework, reading Lik's 'serialized' short stories written in an exercise book. To be 10 again, and during holidays, to go to Grandma's house and walk in the garden, looking at the new additions; or to potter around the kitchen, helping her and aunts with preparing the daily meals or the season's festive delicacies. To be 8 again and catch the small fish in the drains and bike around the neighbourhood in small races, to play carefree during recess, to have snackfoods bought at roadside stalls while waiting for the bus to arrive. To be 6 again, preciously collecting the books given as birthday presents and rewards, reading them again and again.

In the series Cowboy Bebop, Faye Valentine is an amnesiac character 'defrosted' from a cryogenic state. As the series progresses, little clues of her previous life emerge -- one development in the subplot was when she receives a Beta videotape: in the timeframe when the series is set, videotapes were no longer in existence. Spike and Jet endeavor to find a player but in a mishap, they pick up a VHS video player instead (Beta's are smaller). But then fate steps in and a Beta player is mysteriously delivered shortly. When watching the tape, she realizes that it was filmed by herself, when she was a teen, and it contained a message to 'the adult Faye'. Desperate to find out her past, she tracks down the location from the visual clues in the tape, but in the end, she chickens out of returning to her previous life and decides that she would rather stay with Spike and Jet in her 'new life', calling the past something that shouldn't be dwelled in. 

The reminder of technology obsoletion notwithstanding, somehow, it feels like she's got the correct answer to living life... Just like the characters in Honey and Clover, ppl are brought together by similar motivations, opinions and / or circumstances; but they then have to branch out to find the best path for themselves . To limit oneself just based on other ppl's actions is to constantly try to guess what others will do and in the end, conform to others as opposed to doing what's the right thing for oneself.

Again, it's obvious what's to be done, but I can't help feeling that melancholy that I wish I could just compartmentalize and put away: the sooner I accept the way life is, the less conflicted I'd be feeling.

After weeks of reminders, both email and visual (i.e. seeing other ppl walk around with new laptops), I finally handed up my laptop to be upgraded. This required a certain amount of prep as certain types of files, most notably the audit software that our company uses, is NOT automatically backed up. Hence, I had to make a backup copy and since I was at it, I might as well throw some stuff on the server too.

Our tech guys said that as long as we successfully completed an automatic backup, we'll be fine, but IMO they've learnt the language of auditors, and so they say "most files are backed up" as opposed to "all". Ordinary ppl might consider the probability of losing something they actually care about, and come to a (probably accurate) conclusion that the level of risk is acceptable....but I'm not at that point yet. When in doubt, err on the safe side.

Anyway, stayed in the office late last night for work and also to prep my laptop for the upgrade, altho I finished neither. Work gets done slower now that I've set limits on the number of hours I spent on it -- not that it's making me any happier, on the contrary, having the limits is what keeps me from falling off the edge entirely in my quest to address review notes and complete year-end rollforward testing. As for the laptop prep, I waited to fully backup the contents of my laptop itself, but after seeing the tool restart itself a handful of times, I decided that I'd best do it at home where I could at least get some shut-eye -- brought back the battery pack for good measure. Luck of course dictated that the backup would complete in a minute (no exaggeration!) once I connected from home. Carried that weight home for nothing, doh!

So, the upgrade was going to take 4-6 hrs, depending on content, and I'd scheduled it for the morning. It all worked out as planned -- I'm pretty pleased with myself. Basically, since the prep was completed the night before, I showed up at work and turned in my computer right away, then did an errand at Bay-Bloor, killed some time at the Indigo bookstore there, then caught a cab with MD back to the office, then went straight into lunch with members of the counselling group.

Lunch was at Canoe. Duo of white bread and purplish walnut baguettes came with chickpea spread to start. As appetizer, I had the Cumbrae Farms Steak Tartare w Cookstown chips, truffle creme fraiche and black trumpets. Main was Roasted Lamb Sirloin w northern woods mushrooms, sweet peas, basmati rice and garlic confit. For dessert, the Dark Chocolate Pot de Creme with Osi de Morti and cocoa nibs; and also a cappucino. Generally, I thought it was all nicely done -- if anything, my biggest complaint would be the table setting as it was rather run of the mill. If you're going to put the effort into the presentation of the food, accompany it with minimalist but warm decor, and top it all off with wall-to-wall views of the city (on the 54th F no less), why skimp on tableware? I've been to Jump (part of the Oliver Bonacini group of companies too) but at least they could say that we were sitting outdoors and it would naturally have fewer frills. Coworker also noticed that the wait staff didn't make us feel very special as they didn't come by to check on how we did and also didn't bring pepper and salt for his soup, but personally I just want them to be there when I need them -- which they were.

Halfway through lunch, the phone rang and it was NM. After the initial how are yous, I found out that the CISA results had been released and she wanted to know how I did! Honestly, that was quite a surprise and rather coincidental, esp since lately ppl have been asking abt when I expected to hear the results -- we'd been told "6 weeks" but with no word and after a check on the website said "8 weeks", I'd resigned myself to only finding out on Feb 10 or something.

So, imagine my impatience then! I just wanted to get back and check my email, but then again, my laptop wasn't ready for pickup yet. So, tried logging onto our webclient from LK's machine, but he didn't have the client installed and I didn't know if he would mind. Then, tried MD's instead, but her IE froze when it tried to load the client -- I guess the client won't load if it detects that we were already connected to the internal network? Just when I was beginning to despair....the phone call from tech support came -- my laptop was ready!

It was obvious what I had to do once I got it back -- check email! And yes, I'm sure the title of this blog gave it away...I passed. Not with flying colours, but I passed, along with everyone else from my office who wrote the exam with me. The notification email also had a breakdown of how my scaled score looked like, and I only really did badly (relatively speaking) in the disaster recovery/physical security section -- justifiable considering that I've barely done any work on the area. Scored highest on system development (no surprise there considering the amount of time I spent working on this section for the s5970 report) and second highest on the encryption stuff -- surprise surprise, since I found that section tricky in the exam. Now, another 1.5 years of experience and I can add 4 letters to the back of my name....

It's amazing how motivating news like this can be. After the results, I felt renewed energy at addressing those damn review notes.

It would've been a thoroughly good day if I didn't get a stomach upset -- sad to say, the culprit was probably the dish I liked best from lunch, the steak tartare, probably due to the rawness of the meat. :S The hardiness of my digestive tract has wavered since coming to Canada....

Well, win some, lose some.

I had heard good things about this movie and when I suggested it, MarcL also said that he'd seen the preview last year and had made up his mind since then. So off we went along with Jits + friend J, Nat, bro, Poi, Xian. Since we were coming from Winterlicious, we decided on the cinema at Bay-Bloor. It's not a very new venue and I had to agree with MarcL about the seats not being very tiered, but nonetheless, the location was great and Indigo was just downstairs, which made for good pre-show time-wasting.

So, about the movie. It was billed as an 'adult fairytale', so MarcL and I were expecting grown-up themes in a fairytale setting....but we were wrong.

The movie is set at the end of WW2 and is about Ofelia, a young girl who journeys with her widowed mother to a military outpost by the edge of Spain's mountains. Her mother had just married the Captain of the regiment, and was carrying his child to be born at the outpost.

When they arrive, Ofelia finds that all is not well. The Captain is cold and hard-fisted, and the regiment is fighting guerillas who camp out in the hills. But then a fairy leads her to the stone labyrinth next to the main building where the family stays....and she meets a faun who tells her she might possess the soul of the long-lost princess of the Underworld. But to be sure she is the real thing, she has to perform 3 tasks....

Well, it sounds like a setup for a fairytale right? That's what I understood too, but in actual fact, the fairytale part itself is all innocent as fairytales should be. It's the real-life parts that give the film its 'adult rating' -- GP saw it a few days earlier and told me that there were some sadistic parts, and he wasn't kidding.

The violence starts when the movie examines the war and its consequences -- which is about 50% of the film. War is an ugly thing and when someone as rigid and proud as the Captain is in charge, things get so much worse. As Ofelia struggles with her tasks and her worry for her mother, who's undergoing a difficult pregnancy, the guerillas struggle with opposing the Captain, who in turn vows to strike harder each time the guerillas attack.

Violence aside, it was a well-done movie. The graphics were vivid and the music was fitting -- mostly sad but with a touch of fantasy. Jits and MarcL liked how the events in both the 'worlds' parallel each other, and bro thought that the Captain was actually a well-written character in that he was flawed in many ways, but still humanly so. It was a pretty long movie (more than 2 hours) but I was on the edge of my seat all the time.

Still...I wouldn't watch it again -- too much realistic violence, heh.

Went to see this one with GP and LB, somewhat against my will but guilted into it. Perhaps because I had low to no expectations, that's why I kinda enjoyed it in the end.

This movie is about a tax auditor named Harold Crick (played by Will Ferrell), who leads a very organized and structured but lonely life -- and the one day he started hearing a narrative voice when brushing his teeth. Not only was he the only one who could hear the voice (which was female and British), the voice was also very accurate in describing what he was doing and what he was feeling and so on. Basically, it was narrating his life as it was being lived.

Which is all fair and good until it announces that "little did he know", he was facing imminent death. Of course, Harold freaks out at this....but he's got some time as the voice stops -- unbeknowst to him, the narrator, actually an author named Karen Eiffel, has writer's block. Harold doesn't know how long he's got, so he begins on a journey to find the narrator with the help of a literature professor (played by Dustin Hoffman) and as the effort seems more and more futile and he gets no closer to finding out when he is going to die, begins to do all the things he's never ventured to do.

Playing Harold is said to be Will Ferrell's first serious role -- don't know how true that is, but definitely, a 180 turn from his usual crazy, over-the-top characters. He plays his character with a mostly deadpan look, and personally....I thought the role would suit someone else better. Like Ewan MacGregor. :D The screenplay, however, is engaging. The scenes with his love interest Ana (played by Maggie Gyllenhaal) are written in the sweetest non-saccharine way -- the part where he brings 'flours' for her is cute!

However, my favourite characters have got to be the pairing of Emma Thompson as Karen Eiffel and Queen Latifah as the 'closer' employed by her publisher to help her finish the book. The scenes where they try to brainstorm a suitable 'death' for Harold are hilarious.

This movie is better enjoyed if you read a lot. Esp in the dialogues between Dustin Hoffman's character and Harold Crick, there is allusion to how stories are structured -- in the professor's words, they can be comedies or tragedies: to know his fate, Harold has to decide which one he's in.

Worth watching, and listen out for the dialogue and the little details. The ending was well-done too -- after all, how do you end a movie like this?

Went to see this one with JCh, MelT, LWA and Mirchan.

The movie chronicles about 30 years of the life of a certain Edward Wilson who headed up the CIA after receiving 'training' from the British MI5. This is the pet project of director Robert de Niro and word has it that the character of Edward Wilson is based on the real-life CIA Counterintelligence head James "Jesus" Angleton.

It was a bit confusing for non-history buffs (like me) as there is quite a bit of shuffling in terms of points in time as the movie hops between his youth as a student at Yale, to his early years with the government, then to his time as head of the CIA and everywhere else in between.

Clocking in at almost 3 hrs, this movie is LONG. There were some violent moments, but overall it was slow moving, with a lot of lingering shots on Matt Damon, who plays Edward. I'm not a fan of Matt Damon, but in this movie he was actually quite tolerable to look at -- I think Mirchan and MelT thought that the eyeglasses were offputting, but personally I think the serious role makes him look a bit less like a cad (don't know why but he just has that sort of face that screams "I am a jerk" -- to me anyway). One thing I didn't like was that he wasn't 'aged' properly -- he looked the same when the character was sposed to be 20 and when he was sposed to be 50!

Angelina Jolie plays his wife Clover. Hmm, I still can't see her as a mom....and in most of the movie, she is one. Neither can I see her as an playful younger sister to Edward's best friend John Russell Jr. She also consistently looks older than Edward, even when they first meet while Edward vacationed with her brother John. So I have to say she's miscast. She does look good in most of the movie though.

Overall, I liked the way everything's so detailed, the mystery that all that timeline hopping creates, and the understated way the dialogue plays out. The movie was more about the man than about the CIA and the message in the end, was about the sacrifices he made and the things he gave up.

I am, frankly speaking, nervous. Afraid of the uncertainty, afraid of what's to come. Things have been playing out in such a way, that it's so hard to determine what the right path to take is.

I said what I felt to Counsellor, in very general and hand-wavy terms, taking care to add in all the disclaimers I could think of, but he's gone ahead and put the question out there. The counselling tree will look at it first of course, but it's only a matter of time till the word gets out. Am I really ready for what might come out of it? The truth is....no. Not yet. Counsellor has put down a quantified time frame...but is that too short a time?

Trying new things and taking different directions as suggested by the ppl around me....but when things start happening, am I really ready for it? Which way should I handle it?

A 'can-do' spirit is a double-edged sword. There's no reason not to believe that if I put my mind to it, anything's possible. If I embody it, the sky's the limit. Life seems to take on so much more meaning, because there's always something new to try, something new to take on. But if that's true, how do I know which way to go? Where do I start first?

That's when I start looking for restrictions. At the start it might seem easy enough to think of all the things I lack when considering a certain option, or all the things I'm responsible for that I can't leave behind. But I also am aware that they are, in a way, just excuses as well. Knowledge can be gathered and retained, responsibilities can be reassigned or reshaped. There is nothing right now that is an absolute restriction that cannot be worked around, or massaged into something that suits me. It really just depends on how much I want something.

Unfortunately, that last point is something I can't determine of myself. Do I really want it? I'm afraid of what the opportunity cost of it will be. Am I giving up something, altho as yet unidentifiable and unquantified, that I will regret later? Thinking that a restriction is not really one, or vice versa? What if I waved away a "but...", and then later find out that I shouldn't have? Or inversely, assigned too much weight to a factor and make a decision on it, then later realize that it would've all resolved itself even without me anyway? 

These things ....are they the right things to be wanting? Am I falling into the trap of wanting things that I think I'm supposed to want, as opposed to actually wanting them?

It's like being able to drive a train anywhere, being able to lay tracks before me, in any which way I want. North, South, East, West and all the degrees in between.

The only catch is, some tracks will be one-way once I've laid them.

A week has gone by since Mom and Sis left, and I still have many to-do's outstanding! Not to mention keeping up with my new year's resolution, to practise Mandarin. Yes, that's right, only one resolution this year...and I'n not very good at keeping them, but at least it's a goal I can attempt to work towards, no?

Last year I had three (practise Mandarin, learn a new language and learn to skate) and only one was really kept i.e. learn to skate. Even so, I'm still a novice at it -- last Sunday after having brunch with MarcL, X, Nat, Jits, Poi and her friend Maggie, Bro and Kimi, we went to Indian Palace, a small restaurant on Queen St W that served a buffet lunch. The price was competitive as it was very close 3 or so other restaurants offering the a similar buffet, so no complaints in terms of value-for-money. However, I think the other place a few doors down that I tried with MarcL, Jits and JB in the summer (Trimurti) had a better selection. I said that to MarcL but he says he can't remember. ^_- 

Anyway, skating. Harbourfront Centre, right by Lake Ontario and touted as the largest artificial outdoor rink in Canada (?). Maybe because I looked it up, that's why I was slightly disappointed to see that it was wider than a hockey rink but not much longer. Anyhoo, can't complain cos it's free and maintained! Zambonied every 2-3 hours or so. Was planning to meet Hil and Jas there, and managed to convince Bro and Kimi to go as well. It was the most fun I'd had -- probably cos I learnt enough to attempt to practise what I'd been taught? The outcome of almost 3 hours of skating was two sore spots on both legs (early warnings of blisters :S) and at least 6 falls (I really thought I dislocated a finger when I woke up on Monday -- so much so that I went to a walk-in clinic just in case -- but all seems well so far, doc told me to give it till Fri before possibly doing an X-ray) ..... but I think I'm getting the hang of the slalom (C-push with one foot, then switch feet). :D Like Kimi said, it's the sense of accomplishment! Of course, Kimi had skiing experience and altho wobbly sometimes, he started learning tricks and techniques from Jas.... all in all, a good day for all.

Saturday, dinner at JCh's w MelT, CH, Mirchan, ML and two of ML's friends, both alumni of Bristol Uni, UK but one originally from Birmingham who's now working with the govt in planning IT resource allocation, and the other a newly minted freelance writer based out of Msia. Dinner topics mostly covered socio-econo-political themes, and it was good to hear abt the latest happenings in Msia and to a lesser extent, the UK. Not forgetting dinner -- in theme with the collective new year's resolution to eat more healthily, we had roasted porchetta, roast veal chops (?), some grilled veal and pork and also spicy spaghetti with pine nuts(?), roasted red pepper atop fresh arugula greens. Not very sure abt the ingredients cos wasn't a very good elf re the main course. :P The starter and dessert was slightly more calorific: cream of asparagus and cauliflower being the former, and lemon and rasperry tart being the latter.

After that, watched a couple of eps of Dexter. ML's synopsis was that the series revolved around a serial killer who targets serial killers. So I think we all started off thinking that Dexter was a vigilante of sorts. The truth was, we were only half-correct. He is a vigilante, but he's also very clearly psychopathic himself -- he had just been encouraged to re-direct his bloodthirsty tendencies towards other killers. Every eps, he kills at least one person in a very serial killer-ish way....and the series is graphic about it. Anyway, for continuity across eps, there's an ongoing case abt a serial killer who drains his victims of blood before cutting them into pieces. My initial assessment: it has unusual and interesting direction/dialogue/camera angles, however, it leaves a queasy feeling in my stomach. After all, I really don't like serial killer movies.

Thought that I had to watch something happy once I got home, just to erase that uncomfortable feeling, but MelT was the one driving and we got talking abt interpersonal relationships and outlooks on life and how diff ppl handle things differently...so much so that we parked the car outside my apt building and went on for another good 1/2 (or maybe 1?) hr. I thought I was going to lose my voice! But it was a good chat (and no more need for the happy eps!)...lately I've been feeling rather like discussing these themes, and it was good to have someone to bounce ideas off of.

On Fri, had lunch with NM and MD at Ninki where we just caught up with what's been happening in each other's lives. NM just came back from India with her mom and she was telling us abt magical stones being levitated, and psychics predicting that she and her sis would be married in 2 years! India has always struck me as mystical, but having someone close to me elaborate on things like that....I was fascinated. MD on the other hand came back from vacationing in HK via Tokyo. This lucky gal had 2 weeks in Japan for client work and they liked her so much, they suggested she go back! Anyway so she was also updating us on how she and bf had compromised and how she was going to let him grow in his career and vice versa. I'm happy for her. :)

Later in the evening after work, a chat over a beer at the Duke of Devon w Young P. We both started out on an empty stomach and though we offset that with sweet potato fries midway, the alchohol went to our heads pretty quickly, but in a good way. :) We were both nicely cheerful -- we talked abt his latest vacation on a Caribbean cruise w his family (puking/drinking story snippets prevailed), then abt visiting the gf, then our recurring topic i.e. my dating activities or lack thereof. Young P says he wants to know abt the non-work sides of ppl, but he admits it when I suggested he might just be nosy.

So I was half-full with all those useless carbs by the time I met Mirchan and JCh for Japanese dinner at Yamato in Yorkville. Interesting fact: the ppl who own Yamato also own Fune, which has been suggested before by a client contact of mine. Anyhoo, we got the sashimi platter, the beef teppanyaki and also an order of zaru soba (cold buckwheat noodles to be dipped in a cold sauce mixed with raw quail's egg). The platter was #1 for me, tho JCh and Mirchan liked the teppanyaki immensely. Zaru soba was a little bit too cooked for my tastes -- I like a bit more bite in my noodles -- or maybe I was just not very hungry.

Looking forward: it's mid-year review time. Time to give and get feedback. I'm expecting less than stellar reviews among the total (I already had a middling one from last yr) but on a balance of 'feelings', I'm feeling kinda indifferent at this point in time. Had dinner just now at Swatow with LWA (in town for client work, direct from Msia) and JCh, and she thought I was getting burnt out...hmm...maybe I am. Still, I'm beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel and it's cheering me up a bit and probably giving me the subconscious energy to pull through.

Also today, talked to counsellor on long(er)-term goals....I'm glad I have him: he understands my motivations almost intuitively. But now that I've gotten those musings out, I'm divided in my feelings abt it: was it too early to tell him, given that I'm not sure of my directions myself? In a sense, I was almost just thinking out loud. Would he take action and if successful, would I then be faced with a decision I'm not yet ready to make? But at the same time, things like what I wondered to him abt, they take time to set into motion.

Yes, I think as a whole, it was ok to bring it up.... I hope though that he'll check with me again before he arranges anything too drastic.

Personal blog of ex-coworker from Summer 2004, now at a different company and also a part-time fitness instructor

Somehow although I had the 25th, the 26th, the 29th and the 1st off, not to mention the weekends as well...the holidays didn't feel as satisfying as I thought it would.

I showed up at work today and find out that both managers that I owe stuff to were either still on vacation or working from home -- with flexi-hours/work arrangements, no way of telling which is which, not that I care much anyway...they work hard and deserve it.

Howeverrrrr....looking at all the review points I have to clear for the long engagement....let's just say that the number of points brought up is proportional to the time I spent putting together all those documents for review. Everytime I gather up determination and open up one of the working papers, the comment boxes jump out at me, asking questions I have to rifle through my brain to bring all the pieces of info together (never mind that they were gathered at varying points in time and through various, sometimes undocumented means) and tie them all back to come up with a fitting answer.

Usually I can buckle down and systematically kill each one off, but today...I just feel so restless. Although I keep telling myself that work is this tedious at my level, and I'll just have to grit my teeth and bear it till it gets to the interesting parts....the thought kept popping back into my head: "Where am I going with this?" Not that I even have an answer to that question...

I wonder if this is a result of post-holiday antsy-ness, or the recent discussions with friends/acquaintances about new year resolutions and life goals, or is there a deeper reason...

Manager on the short engagement msged me online today and said that we were going to wrap everything up by the end of this week as the senior manager wants the files ready by Monday....said we'll work on it first thing tomorrow. Given the management style, it's going to be one intense day (or week, for that matter) back on that engagement. Also, it only can mean taking time out from working on the long engagement...which means working on the long engagement on the off-hours.

Long engagement's manager also emailed me today and asked if I'll be needing more time than budgeted. I don't know what to say...technically speaking I could more or less finish everything by the date budgeted if I allow myself to possibly work crazy overtime, esp at January-end. But do I want to do that and set a precedent? But I also feel bad for eating up so much of the budget as of now already and not really keeping to the milestones as set out at the beginning. And there's the external factor of possibly not even having the option of getting that additional time from the engagement scheduled to start in Feb....

Bleargh...just suddenly feel like a hamster on a wheel. I will myself enthusiasm that can be turned on at will to get through this month!

Nov 24 there were 5 of us and by Dec 31 it was just Bro and myself.

We had food made from recipes we grew up on.

Went shopping at Yorkdale, Eatons Centre and Queen St W -- first round for winter items, second round for boxing day deals. The latter involved a lot of patience in sifting through piles of clothing e.g. sis' reaction after arriving at Zara 2 hrs before closing (echoing mine) "So this is the aftermath..." Aside from Zara (where Mom unusually bought a funky neo-70's short dress), also some stuff from H&M, Le Chateau, Fila, Esprit...and lots of Aldo.

Hunting for a part-time job with Sis.

Various brunches/dinners/lunches/snacks at Eggspectations, Fran's, St Lawrence Market, Shopsy's Deli, Druxy's Deli/Hero Burger, Marche, Solferino's Gelato, The Keg, Oh Geul Boh Geul, Hosu Bistro, Kama Indian Cuisine, Old Spaghetti Factory, Terroni, Pazza, Cafe Crepe.

Parents and Sis sat in at my skating lessons and proclaimed the pre-school class after mine "very cute penguins".

Dimsum in 3 diff places: Highway 7 and Woodbine, Leslie and Finch, and Chinatown.

AGM of the Malaysian Association of Canada (MAC).

Dinner with Jas and Hil -- they wanted to treat us for accomodating them when they visited M'sia.

Researched the possibility of owning property and of Sis coming here for Grade 12/Form 6.

Calvalcade of Lights kick-off at Nathan Philips Square after chicken rice dinner with JCh and CH.

Made dinner for family -- whole wheat spaghetti with roasted red peppers, mozzarella cheese, pesto, thyme and smoked ham.

Creme caramel project with Sis, along with frozen pizza project and molten chocolate cake project.

Two birthdays -- mine and Bro's -- complete with mee sua, cake and presents. Shopping for presents.

Convinced by Sis to donate to the UNHCR's Darfur crisis fundraising effort.

Messing around with iTunes and Bittorrent downloads.

Made Mom a fan of the anime 'Fantastic Children'.

Home cleaning with Mom.

Grocery shopping trips.

Putting together the Japan travel scrapbook with Sis -- that was a lot of cutting, writing and planning!

Discussing shopping with Sis.

Art Gallery of Ontario (AGO).

In hindsight, nothing really exciting -- after all, it's not the first time they've been here. But writing this...brings to mind the caption on a mug (now at home in M'sia) I got for one of my birthdays: "You enjoy being in love, but you especially treasure the love of family and friends."

It's cliche to believe in zodiac signs perhaps, but that's exactly how I feel.

'A split second can change everything'.

Sometimes it's more like a few minutes, days, months or years than a split second, but what's key is that in the final split second of that period of time, a decision was made -- and the course of fate was changed.

If I was nice to you and you returned the kindness
If you made friendly chitchat and I chitchatted back
If I joked with you and you humoured me
If you asked "How are you?" and I said "Good, and you?"

If I looked at you and you looked back
If you caught my eye and I smiled back
If I spoke to you and you spoke back
If you started a conversation and I mused back

Things might've turned out differently. You and I may have become acquaintances, business partners, coworkers, relatives, friends, colleagues...rivals, enemies.

We were rash when we were younger, and subsequently suffered the embarrassment of being known as "that girl who..." or "that boy who used to..." Man can those memories stick! Something that happened 10 years ago and somehow continued for the next 4 till I was almost out of high school....he brought it up on my birthday, saying "Those were the days..."

We vowed to think clearer next time, to look before we leap. With time and practice, it worked -- we act rationally, we evaluate all options thoroughly before picking the one most suitable, we made the decisions that were the safest and brought the greatest good.

Lately I've been thinking though. Have we been conditioned to be too careful? Perhaps overanalyze to the point that opportunity (in that split second) is lost?

My surroundings change faster than I can say "Whatever happened to?" I'd rather they didn't, but even when I'm standing still and hoping the earth slows down its turning...the world keeps going at its own, disregarding pace anyway. There is no choice but to change....but I guess I've always changed just enough to ride on its coattails and make sure that I didn't fall off the flying carpet altogether. To me at least, leaving home and leaving school brought on a whole new dimension of grey area where there doesn't seem to be one path that is the right one to follow. More importantly, maybe the one path that shows itself is not necessarily the right one, just the easiest and the one that allows the least change in attitude on my part.

Perhaps it's time to be more proactive. Do something slightly less rational than your usual everyday actions, just outside of your comfort zone. Not too far if it's scary at first, but enough to challenge yourself just a wee bit. Make a move instead of waiting for something to happen. Maybe others are waiting for it as well....but have not arrived at the decision to act instead of react.

Seize the day, because tomorrow may never come.