I am, frankly speaking, nervous. Afraid of the uncertainty, afraid of what's to come. Things have been playing out in such a way, that it's so hard to determine what the right path to take is.
I said what I felt to Counsellor, in very general and hand-wavy terms, taking care to add in all the disclaimers I could think of, but he's gone ahead and put the question out there. The counselling tree will look at it first of course, but it's only a matter of time till the word gets out. Am I really ready for what might come out of it? The truth is....no. Not yet. Counsellor has put down a quantified time frame...but is that too short a time?
Trying new things and taking different directions as suggested by the ppl around me....but when things start happening, am I really ready for it? Which way should I handle it?
A 'can-do' spirit is a double-edged sword. There's no reason not to believe that if I put my mind to it, anything's possible. If I embody it, the sky's the limit. Life seems to take on so much more meaning, because there's always something new to try, something new to take on. But if that's true, how do I know which way to go? Where do I start first?
That's when I start looking for restrictions. At the start it might seem easy enough to think of all the things I lack when considering a certain option, or all the things I'm responsible for that I can't leave behind. But I also am aware that they are, in a way, just excuses as well. Knowledge can be gathered and retained, responsibilities can be reassigned or reshaped. There is nothing right now that is an absolute restriction that cannot be worked around, or massaged into something that suits me. It really just depends on how much I want something.
Unfortunately, that last point is something I can't determine of myself. Do I really want it? I'm afraid of what the opportunity cost of it will be. Am I giving up something, altho as yet unidentifiable and unquantified, that I will regret later? Thinking that a restriction is not really one, or vice versa? What if I waved away a "but...", and then later find out that I shouldn't have? Or inversely, assigned too much weight to a factor and make a decision on it, then later realize that it would've all resolved itself even without me anyway?
These things ....are they the right things to be wanting? Am I falling into the trap of wanting things that I think I'm supposed to want, as opposed to actually wanting them?
It's like being able to drive a train anywhere, being able to lay tracks before me, in any which way I want. North, South, East, West and all the degrees in between.
The only catch is, some tracks will be one-way once I've laid them.
